Compassion Over Empathy : Why Leaders Must Choose

  • Author: Colette Carlson
  • Encinitas, CA, USA
Read the news article

As a keynote speaker on the topics of leadership, connection, resilience, and relationships, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about empathy versus compassion over the past year and Why Leaders Must Choose Compassion Over Empathy. In fact, in my virtual presentations on personal connection, I quickly became aware of the buzzwords associated with the COVID-19 lockdown; authenticity, mindfulness, empathy and compassion.

During the worst of the pandemic, executive leaders and their managers doled out a great deal of empathetic advice to their co-workers and subordinates. An example of one such response might be: “Susan, wow! I truly don’t know what to say as I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be to home-school your children on top of all the social unrest in your community, all while trying to do your job. Thank you for trusting me with this information and being transparent about your struggles.”

At this point, Susan’s leader acknowledged her pain, made her feel heard, and even showed gratitude for her willingness to open up and share. So far, so good. But what happens next will determine whether Susan’s leader goes beyond empathy and chooses Compassion Over Empathy.

Empathy Gets in the Way of Compassion Mary DeForest, PhD is a Denver-based author, distinguished college professor, linguist and an Ancient Greek and Latin expert. Mary knows her words! I recently asked Dr. DeForest to explain the difference between Compassion Over Empathy. She said that the origin of the word empathy was from the Ancient Greek.

When we listen to someone with empathy, we try to become that person. The empathetic person reflects “There but for the Grace of God go I.” They want to feel what you’re experiencing. The empathy stuff sounds impressive, doesn’t it? However, it is not that simple. Compassion is from the Latin word “Com” and means with or together, and “Passion” more literally means suffering alongside of someone else in need of us.

Why Leaders Must Choose Compassion Over Empathy

Compassion can be defined as empathic concern plus the willingness to take action to help. It is not enough to feel someone’s pain, you must help them cope. In other words, if Susan’s leader closed the conversation with a quick fix of encouragement such as, “Things will get better,” or “You are strong, and I’m sure you will get through this,” they have shown zero compassion.

Psychologists seem to indicate that empathy without compassion may be one way to lose dear friends or valued employees. Veronika Tait, Ph.D. writing for Psychology Today in an article entitled “Turn Empathy Into Compassion Without the Empathic Distress…” states: “While the benefits of empathy are clear, humans are much more likely to empathize with people they view as a part of their in-group.

We are prone to create groups of us versus them. For example, neuroscience researchers have found that people experience greater vicarious empathic responses for people of their own ethnicity compared to other-ethnicity members.” Dr. Tait also tells us that using empathy instead of compassion sets us up for bias.

We stop connecting with the people who need us, and instead, we start dividing people into them and us. Rasmus Hougaard writing for Forbes magazine reflected this very point in his article entitled “Why Compassion is Better for Humanity than Empathy”: “Empathy is an important, foundational emotion for human connection…but on its own, without compassion, empathy is a danger for leaders…and when we empathize with those close to us, those who are not close are different and seem threatening.

When unchecked, empathy can create more division than unity.” The last thing any leader should desire is division.   Connect Through Compassion Over Empathy If we accept the ancient Roman thought that compassion is “suffering alongside of someone else in need of us,” we quickly understand that the Compassion Over Empathy and truly connected leader strives to offer guidance or resources or direction to the employee to help available within the organization.

If we care as leaders, then we must suffer just a bit alongside of those we lead. Interestingly, the compassionate leader does not need heavy doses of empathy, but rather needs to understand that a valued employee within the organization may require their nurturing, problem solving and support. In Susan’s case, if her leader determined and implemented solutions to offer support through employee resource groups or temporarily lightened her current workload, adjusted her hours or removed daily meeting expectations, they moved beyond empathy toward compassionate leadership.

As always, actions speak louder than words. Compassion Over Empathy demands connection. Compassion is a call for all of us to help those around us. It is also a statement of reciprocity. Those of us in a position to help may one day need help. We are, after-all, interconnected in our humanity. Compassion Over Empathy revels in that connection and is strengthened by it. The most compassionate of people are often the most deeply human.

At the heart of every sale, every interaction between a leader and a team member, every conversation with a customer…. is a Compassion Over Empathy connection. And most importantly, connection begins within. How to make those connections effective, and leverage them for greater success, is the thread that is woven into every one of Colette Carlson’s presentations. For more information on Colette’s customized, virtual or in-person programs, give us a call.

Contact us at Speakers Inc and follow us on Twitter

Further articles you may enjoy:

  • (14)

Motivational North American Keynote Speakers play a crucial role in inspiring individuals, organizations, and communities to unlock their full potential. With their compelling stories, expertise, and dynamic presentation styles, these speakers captivate audiences, leaving a lasting impact. In North America, there is a remarkable pool of motivational keynote speakers who have successfully transformed lives and […]

  • June 4, 2023
  • (26)

Looking to motivate a group of employees, students, or even donors? Speakers Inc has a wide selection of New York Motivational Speakers that you can book for any event: business functions, school assemblies, graduations, charitable fundraisers, and more. Find one in New York today! New York City is one of the biggest tourist destinations in the […]

  • December 20, 2022
  • (11)

In the bustling world of sales, where targets and quotas often overshadow human connection, Elyse Archer stands out as a beacon of Transforming Sales through Authenticity. Based in Charlotte, NC, Elyse is not just a sales speaker; she is a transformative force who is reshaping how sales professionals approach their craft. With a compelling blend […]

  • June 24, 2024
  • (10)

Celebrating Women’s Month Las Vegas 2024 Introduction: March is not just a month on the calendar; it is a celebration of the strength, resilience, and achievements of women worldwide. Women’s Month is a time to honor the contributions of women in various fields, and Las Vegas is gearing up for an extraordinary celebration in 2024. […]

  • March 7, 2024
  • (10)

Over the last year as You Want to Be an Authentic Leader, you’ve worn countless sweatshirts on Zoom calls, taken meetings while walking, and even brought Fido, your adorable Shih Tzu, into a few calls. Well done. However, and I hate to break it to you, that doesn’t necessarily make you an “authentic leader”. The […]

  • December 19, 2022
  • (9)

Are you guilty of multi-tasking during meetings? Unfortunately, being present during meetings, especially present-day Virtual meetings, is so rare, I wish I could bottle and sell it.   Here’s a few facts you can toss around the tele-conferencing office (Source: Prezi State of Attention Research): In any online meeting about 95 percent of the audience is probably multi-tasking. The […]

  • January 18, 2023
  • (12)

Beyond Limits: How Adaptive Sports Redefine Resilience and Inspire Audiences When it comes to keynote speakers who genuinely move the needle in terms of motivation, resilience, and transformation, few voices are more powerful than those emerging from the world of adaptive sports. These athletes don’t just overcome obstacles—they reinvent the playing field. And in doing […]

  • April 9, 2025
  • (9)

Want Your Audience to Master the Art of Influence? Bring in a speaker who turns “maybe” into “yes.” Because in today’s world, negotiation isn’t just a skill—it’s survival to Master the Art of Influence. 💼 Whether it’s closing deals, navigating conflict, or leading with confidence, your audience needs to know how to negotiate like pros. […]

  • April 14, 2025

Subscribe to our Newsletter and get connected:

Your subscription could not be saved. Please try again.
Your subscription has been successful.

Newsletter

Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated.

We use Brevo as our marketing platform. By submitting this form you agree that the personal data you provided will be transferred to Brevo for processing in accordance with Brevo's Privacy Policy.

Our Mission:

We are your partner creating memorable and engaging experiences that go beyond the event itself.

© All rights reserved 2025.  Designed using Voxel